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September 18th, 2006
09:00 pm - Shit
I feel like a piece of shit.
Everything went wrong this weekend.
Idiot face has a girlfriend now. Maybe I can move on. Probably not.
I wake up in the morning and im never really happy with who I am or where I'm at in life. I always tell myself I need to make changes...and never do.
I will go to bed now, and hope things get better.
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September 7th, 2006
06:07 pm
everyone's an asshole these days.
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September 4th, 2006
01:28 pm - Uncanny
Finally an end to a long four day weekend. I ate too much, drank even more, and I think the hangover is really setting in today. Gay. It's weird man, I always surround myself with people. I'm usually never alone, cause I can't stand it...and when I am alone, I'm on myspace or the phone. Then when I reflect on the weekends and the partys I still feel alone. Incomplete in some weird, sense. You know what I mean? I dunno. I just avoid the feeling by not giving myself time to think about it but after every party, in the midst of every hangover I feel like a change is needed. It's like I'm always searching for something better but I can never get it. I just have a major case of Idontknowwhatthefuckineed disease.
This weekend I've felt really shitty about Michael. Maybe that's a result of his filling me in about his "3 is definatley not a crowd" escapade. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about. Ahhh, I need some changes in my life.
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August 27th, 2006
05:50 pm - Bitch
I just read my last entry and I make myself sound like a stupid ass stuck up bitch. Lol. Anywho, Im sitting on my ass bored as hell cause I apparently miss the memo that everyone but me has a life. Fuckers.
I've been my dads bitch today, I had to go get food twice and he keeps insisting that I clean my room. I know I should but I'm just boycotting it because IM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN. Haha. He did give me 20 bucks today. Thats like 4 packs of cigs!!! Yahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Okay so I did a 3 beer, beer bong in less then 15 fucking seconds. NOT something to be proud of. Im a man trapped in a girls body.
I need to find me a fly hunnie, the other one isn't fly and he's starting to cling. My bad.
Christy needs to come home already. Effin asshole.
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August 23rd, 2006
10:23 pm - Seriously
So I just got off the phone with danielle. We've made it a daily routine to talk for aprox. an hr-3 hrs nightly on the phone. We never run outta much to say cause 1. we have a year and a half to catch up on and 2. we both can't shut up if our life depended on it.
So there are 3 "Ashlee(y)'s" in ny class. On my name tag I had to have them put "P." on it so we can tell the difference you know...its like grade school all over. I told my friends in the class that the "P" stands for "Pretty." My name is Ashlee Pretty now, but that's not a bad nickname to have. Kinda funny actually. I thought of a name for our group of friends, we're called "Beauty School Bitches" cause thats basically what half the class is thinking to themselves. Personally I think they're jealous. Not to sound vain or concided but the people who hang out with me are all pretty...and the rest (the haters) are not pretty. That's life. LOL, I told this girl who rolls her eyes at me everytime I ppen my mouth (even if I just have to burp) that if she rolls her eyes at me again then one day they're going to get stuck like that! AHAHAH. Fuckin' bitch didn't invite us to her party. Oh well. I don't like going to houses of girls who look like poop.
I like my friends at school, we laugh all the time. They are as Follows: Jessica M, the crazy engaged one who tells us all of her business about her husband to be. She's mostly like me, we laugh and say stupid shit. I like her. Then there's Jessica C. She's fresh outta highschool but really talkative. I like her a lot. She laughs at my jokes. Katey, she's way cool. Shes a down ass bitch. Haha, really...she is. She works at a tanning salon and is a go-go dancer at night. She runs on like 4 hrs of sleep (if that) a night. Mad props yo. Amanda, shes always on the phone but she pretty, says stupid stuff, laughs with us, and she sits next to me so we always talk shit. Philip, he's the only male in the class. At first I thought he was gay because of the fact he was in beauty school, but he's not. He has a beautiful daughter, a girlfriend, and as equally simple-minded, and funny as the rest. Jamie is a girl who smokes with us, she doesnt say much, but I still like her. Then there's me: Ashlee Pretty. Hahaha.
Dude I need to do me some hw. my mouth is still hurtin'. It sucks. Not as much as wanting to get drunk and not being able to. My life is boring on the week days.
HATERS keep on hatin'
Nighty night.
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August 22nd, 2006
09:15 pm
It's 9:15 and I'm dead tierd.
Kinda in a bad mood, phone ear piece broke along with many other things.
Whatever, I need a beer.
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August 21st, 2006
06:54 pm - Reasoning?
I was just about to write in here and hope that someone would leave me a comment, but uhmmm, I have no friends on here, bastards.
So anyway, to make a long story short I sent Danielle a friend request on myspace, she wrote me a message, we talked for 5 hours on the phone last night and BAM, the rest is history. Adam wrote me a message today excited to talk to me and see me too, that makes me feel confortable spending time with danielle. I mean, Adam was a huge part of my life too. I talked to him today on the phone as well. They learned the hard way but it seems like the both of them have grown up. I'm glad. I've done my fair share of growing up too. Maybe this is what we needed to realize how much we need eachother and apricate each other in our lives. THey'll bee here in less then a week and I'm so stoked, I feel like doing a back flip. In fact I would if I wouldn't have a chance on landing on my neck and becoming paralized. Just goes to show everything good in life (like doing a back flip) don't come for free. Dammit.
School was way fun. I was like a giggly little school girl in a school full of girls (with the exception oh Philip.) I really like my little group of friends, we laughed all day long. I look foward to going to school now. It's just the last 2 hrs that are hard.
Okay, I'm hungry. Time for me to grub down then get a rub down (by a man in a thong) hahaha.
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August 20th, 2006
05:18 pm - Cell Phones
So after my getting drunk alone and staying on myspace/livejournal till 530 am I went to bed, took Christy home, and went back to bed. Lame. I got nothing achieved today. I feel usless.
I'm straight up watching the Little League World Series. My life is so wack. I need something to do man. I'm actually looking foward to school tomorrow.
Let's talk about the modern technology we all love to hate. Cell phones ruin my life when I'm intoxicated. I have gotten a little better. No "love makes u do crazy things" though. I think I'm passed that.
So I took the plunge and added Danielle as a friend on myspace. I dunno whats gunna happen with that one. I guess I'm over waiting. We need to straighten things out or just stay out of eachothers lifes completley.
I need to go to the store now. My mom said I can fill up my gas tank and Ima buy to packs of cigs to last me...well at least till tuesday cause I've been smoking a pack a day latley. I have cramps really bad. I never thought I'd be happy to have cramps. I want to be a kid again.
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04:35 am - ...
P.S. My heart is still not healed. I looked at his myspace. Ahhh. What we had was special.
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03:49 am - Artist
So I just read all my journal entrys. I'm so glad I kept this journal at the time that I did, it was such a uge turning point in my life. As I was reading it I could go back and feel all the emotions I had. I'm inspired to keep journals. I just need to remember to write in in more often. I started my hand written one up again. I'm excited about that. It's more personal then this one of course...
Christy is passed out on my couch. I'm sittin here drinking alone and writing online. Aghh it is so late! I can't believe it!
I can honestly say that things have been looking up for me. After reading all those entrys, I am such a different person. I'm so happy with who I am and where I'm going. I started cosmetology school last monday (the 14th.) It's fun and I love it. I feel like I'm finally at where I'm supposed to be. It feels good.
My heart doesn't hurt anymore. Gosh, I can't believe how much I've been through emotionally. I turned into that girl I never wanted to be, then I realized that it's okay to be that girl sometimes you know? I'm finally okay with what has happened and what god has in store for me. All I can say is that once you have a first love, you'll always have a place in your heart for that person and I'm okay with that. That is life. I know that love will find a way. It always does. Right now I have no problem waiting, I like my life and who I am right now. It's a breath of fresh air.
I can't believe I'm drinking alone. Christy straight up passed out on my couch. She was sad that her phone died and she couldn't get ray's number out. Lol, maybe that was a good thing. Sometimes when you're drunk and things seem like a good idea, they later turn out to be not so much of a good idea.
Christy is seriously one of my favorite people I've ever met. It's so random that we had a class together last fall and just now we're becoming real close. She's like me in so many ways. It's nice to have someone you can connect with and not have to hide who u really are. I mean, I don't do it much, but I do it enough to where I don't like that I have to, you know?
"I'm the Artist and you're my muse"
That quote keeps sticking in my head. Maybe because everytime I feel like writing (even if it isn't based soley on him) I'm thinking about him. That's so nuts. After all these months, I still think about him on a daily basis. I finally realized it's okay to feel this way. That's why we have feelings and emotions. I'm learning so much about life in general. It's so awesome.
Danielle found brooke on myspace. I'm sure she found me as well but wouldn't have the guts to add me as a friend or send me a message, I'm the same way. Talk about things being complicated. I miss her more then words can say. She really hurt me with the whole adam thing and not giving two shits if she spent time with me or not. I was just a little hurt. I was telling brooke last night that I love her. The kind of love you have for a sibling. I will always love her, just not like her very much. I don't think that if she comes down and we see each other, I could not talk to her. Now, if this happened a year ago, I would've been hurt as all hell. Im okay with the things in my pass. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not tierd at all. I still need to go to bed. The time currently read's 4:04 in the am. Wow, thats super late. I still have a whole glass of vodka and coke. Maybe I should chug it. Oh, what a lady I am.
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