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September 18th, 2006

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September 7th, 2006

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September 4th, 2006

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August 27th, 2006

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August 23rd, 2006

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August 22nd, 2006

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August 21st, 2006

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August 20th, 2006

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December 26th, 2005

09:58 pm - I loveeee Christmas Dude, Christmas was tight. I got hooked up. Juicy galore!!! Anywho, today I got my butt to the gym. I saw those two guys who came to my house when my parents were gone! Haha, I called brenna and we just laughed. I seriously forgot how hot they were. Maybe cause I was drunk. I dont think they saw me, I avoided them at all costs. I worked my butt off. Im gonna have a 6pack by summer, mark my words bitches. After I went to the gym, I went tanning. I like my new tanning salon, its nice. Dude, I am gonna (already am but will be even more so) HOT! Wow, Im in a good mood. Thursday=Holiday Bowl! Yahhhh BoyyY!!! SOo many hotties. Then New Years! who is gonna be my frist kiss(es) of 06', Someone hot. All I know is it;ll prolly be more then one guy considering Im a pimp.Really, I'm glad Im single now. After that sad period. I can say Im Over it, over it, over it!!! Wooohooo. So apparently Douche bag thinks im a slut, and gonna get knocked up. If he only knew. Haha. Im not a slut, i just like making out. Im a pimp blood not by relation. That is kinda true. Haha. Dude I love 2-pac. So I went to that party where some guys got shot, the poilece kept me there till like 330am. I was stuck there with no one i knew, they only kept a select few and I was one of them. Do i look like I shot someone? Im as preppy white girl as they come. Marisa is coming over with some beer...mmmmm. I have ta go. Merry Christmhanakwanzika to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Current Mood: yo mama

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December 7th, 2005

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November 21st, 2005

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November 18th, 2005

02:39 am - wow.. So I was just going back and reading my previous journal entrys, WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT. Then I did what everyone would tell me not to (Including myself) and read Michael's 1 blog that he wrote. Sooo, I don't wanna go through the whole story word for word so I will simply modify it: Michael came back from Iraq, sent me a TEXT message on Tuesday morning at 9:23am breaking up with me, and that was that. Fun huh? Lol. I'm a bitter young lady...I wonder what I'll be when I'm old...far past bitter, thats for sure. So I'm resorting to live journal because they're doing some routine 'check up' on my space. Sounds like a visit to the doctors office. I need to go to the doctors...maybe the fuckers will have magic life pills, turn ur shitty world into a happy place full of color. I think they already have that? Nope...that was rainbow bright. I wish that bitch was real... It's currently 2:44am. I'm tierd as hell, I wish I could shut this computer off but I can't I feel like I need to talk, since no one is here to listen to me bitch, I'll do it on my live journal where NO ONE reads it. That's a nice way to vent. I went and hung out with Morgan and Trever. Blah, they make me sick. Not really. I like Trever, it's just like my 3 best friends (closest friends) have someone. Example:Morgn has Trever, Marisa has Nate, And Brookie has Tommy. I wanna shoot them sometimes. It's cute, Morgan always tries to include me. Ha, I'm not trying to bust a 3rd wheel but sometmes ya gotta. We went and got Ice Cream tonight at McDonalds. I forgot how much I love soft serve Vanilla cones. BOMB. After that we myspaced it up, then I went to Josh's house. We watched that one movie...dammit I can't think of it! With Adam Sandler...Longest yard? I dunno. It was pretty funny. I hate when I'm at someones house and I don't wanna drive home. I just want to already be home. I hate staying the night at peoples houses cause I wanna be in my own bed. I wish there was an air plane that would get me from point a to point b so I can sleep...oh yah, In my wish it would be crash proof. That's why it's just a wish. That shit never comes true. I seriously feel alone. Not just right now, but all the time. Even when I'm with my friends or family...or even on dates. It's weird. This has been one tough year for me in many, many aspects. First heart break...learning about who i am...feeling like i don't belong anywhere...with home, friends, family...what not. I know it's not the truth but it just feels that way. It also sucks because I know that no one can help me but me. To be honest I don't know how I can help myself. I almost don't even trust myself to help me. I have no idea what im doing and sometimes I don't feel like I'm strong enough. Lord help me... Im going to bed, maybe I can dream about something good. Current Mood: crushed

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September 18th, 2005

09:36 pm - A month...give or take.. Wow, I almost forgot about this thing. I have so much to say but not enough patience to sit here and write. I need some ridilin... So parents found out about nipples...blah. Big fight, I left, got 'kicked out' pretty much. Went and moved in with Brenna. Can't afford it, so I was forced into moving back into this hell hole. Can't wait to get the eff out. Blah...! Hmmm, what else? Oh yah parents inform me that they aren't allowing me to go and visit Michael cause it's "dumb" for me to go and stay with him when they don't know him...personally I think it's just another way for them to feel like they have control. Lame. That changed everything. Michael is gonna come stay with me for 5 days...give or take. I'm excited about that. We have all this stuff planned out for when he gets here. Im glad he can meet my friends, I wanted to go on like a double date with marisa and nate...but I was accidently informed when marisa was intoxicated that he doesn't really like me so...that's out. To be honest I don't wanna be around people that don't care for me. I mean I know I should care cause hes my bestfriends boyfriend but I'm sick of trying to get people to like me...best friends boyfriend or not. Blah. Kinda hurt my feelings though, cause I liked him till now. Whatever. So we went to see Pepper this friday. That was fun. I had a good time. A lot of sitting in the car and what not. Marisa got really sick. Drank too much too fast...poor girl. I felt her pain for sure. Show was still good. I'm glad she found someone who cares about her that much. They're good for eachother. Just sucks seeing them, makes me miss michael even more. Fuck! I dunno if I need anti-depressants or what but I'm never happy anymore. Honestly, the only time I'm really happy is when I get to talk to Michael. I dunno, I guess I;m just going through some stuff and I don't exactly know how to deal with these emotions. God, I miss him. I want him to come home already. Im gonna go myspace it up, see if anyone has anything good to say. Probably not. Night. Current Mood: contemplative

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August 10th, 2005

01:33 am - Saved, lol. It's 1:33 am and I am beat. I have no idea why. I decided that tomorrow I'm gonna go job hunting. I can't sit around anymore, I'll shoot myself... So I decided I was gonna stay in and rent movies. My cousin and I went to the movie store and I rented Be Cool and Saved (I only got it cause I like Mandy Moore.) I basically had no idea what it was about. Anyway Courtney calls me and asks if I wanna come over. I brought the movies over and we put Saved in. Lol, that Movie was hilarious. All I know it I think I'm gonna be a rollerskate for halloween, I know you're jealous!!! Brenna comes home. Lol, I think she might be annoyed that I hang out with her sister but hey, she called me. Oh well, We'll be roomates soon anyway. I love those girls. Marisa calls and wants to come over. I was happy. I like that my two best friends get along. That's cool. Anyway she brought us all over ice cream which was really nice. It was kinda funny cause Courtney and I were talking about being hungry like 5 minutes before she showed up. We just watched a bit of that movie and we were all pretty tierd. Marisa and I go outside and talk for a bit. Says that Nates friend John said something about the way Brooke looked. Well, not even that, just was pissed I brought her last night cause she's different. I forgot, he owned the place. Lol. Guys like that seriously piss me off. I mean, aghhh. He sat there and stared at her, didn't even take the time to talk to her. People like that can kiss my ass for all I care. I forgot that looks define a person. I guess people are just ignorant. Looks don't define a person. I mean, shes just real artsy looking. Shes cute. Too many piercings but hey, it's what she likes. Doesn't change the person that she is. It just bothers me to no extent. That really got under my skin. I wonder what he thinks of me? Wait! I don't even care. lol..anyway... Robert just called me. Lol, I love drunked phone calls. They're the best. I'm gonna go to bed and get woken up by Michael. I always look foward to that. Goodnight... Current Mood: sleepy

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August 9th, 2005

05:41 pm - I guess ur just what I needed... How pissed off am I? I just spent a good 25 minutes to write a long journal entry and I get kicked off...aghh. So I guess here I go again. I just got back from Cancun. I had a good time... Suday (Day 1): Early morning, long day of flying. Get in about 1pm. Get off the plane. Walking through that air port is a huge confident boost. All I herd till I got in the car was "OoOoO, Bonita." It was kinda cute in a weird, perverted sort of way. Get to the hotel. Drink a few beers, find my cousins, put on the swimsuit, get in the pool and hit up the swim up bar. Long story short we got PLASTERED. Nicole throws up, we all pass out at 8pm. Monday (Day 2): Wake up, get some drinks and rent some sea doo's. That was hilarious. We had so much fun! After that we hit up the pool and drink. Get ready, go to dinner and hit up the club. Danced and drank the night away. Good times in Cancun. Tuesday (Day 3): Wake up, eat some breakfest, and throw up. Wow, I thought I was hung over but no, I got effin food poisioning. Day of hell. All I wanted to do was go home. Watched American shows with Spanish closed captioning. I don't think I actually watched T.V. I just tried to learn spanish. The sad part about it is, that really happened. Lol. Thought about being with Michael. When I'm sick all I want is him to take care of me. Wow. I'm such a baby. At that point, I hated Mexico. Wednesday (Day 4): Wake up early due to a full day of rest, and hit up the pool. Nicole, Katelyn, and I layed out. Man it is so hot there. Bothered them with my "obsession" with Michael. Lol, truth is I've never missed someone so much. Anyway we head back to the room about noon and guess who calls? Michael! Lol, I was so excited. I only got to talk to him for about 3 minutes but I was so happy to hear from him. After I hung up we wet on mini speed boats and went snorkling. That was fun aside from the stupid tour guide throwing fish food in my face and having schools of about 1,000,000 fish all up in my face. I was pissed. All in all it was a fun day. We get back and have dinner. Nicole, Katelyn, and I got ready and went to the club. Nicole and I danced toghether all night. We were "Lesbians" that night. I have never been told I was hot so many times by so many perverted guys. Wow, I love Mexico. Confidence boost!!! Anyway Katelyn pimped it. It was fun, I was happy for her. Some guy comes up to me, completly wasted out of his mind and asks to buy me a drink. I told him I would let him if it wasn't all inclusive and the drinks weren't all free. I thought it was funny. We met some other girls who were "lesbians" too. Ha. Great night. Thursday (Day 5): Wake up, have breakfest. All the boys went fishing and the girls got to go to the spa on the golf course. It was beautiful!!! We got a full body massage, facial, and a body scrub. Came back and fell asleep. Nicole was being a douche so Janelle detached the stick from her ass for one night and went out with me. We went to the swing bar and drank, then to the lobby and drank, then to the club. Lol, we were so drunk. Long story short I lose Janelle, get locked out of my room, and can't get in till 5am. Talk about bad luck. By that time my buzz was gone and I was pissed. My mom finally lets me in and sees its 5. She was heated...I was now in the dog house. Damn Janelle!!! Friday (Day 6): Wake up, take a bus to the other side of Cancun and stay at the beach all day. I lose my Juicy hat, talk about bad luck. I was ready to go home. I never have seen a more beautiful ocean in my life. It was breath taking and I wish I could've shared it with someone special...but he's in Iraq :( Anyway, get back, go to eat, go to bed. Saturday (Day 7): Wake up, Janelle, Nicole and their family leave. Katleyn and her family leave. We're stuck there for one more day. Sit by the pool, sit in the room, then go to dinner. Pack and go to bed. Sunday (Day 8): Wake up at the butt crack of dawn, go to the air port wayyyy too early, get on the plane and go home. Wow, I love California. Home sweet home. Get home, get my sidekick, visit Brenna, talk to Michael!!! and go to bed. I love him... I was kinda sad. I haven't gotten to sit and hang out with Marisa or Brenna latley. Brenna has been working and yesterday she went to six flags. Marisa...I didn't see her Sunday night cause she was at a Jack Johnson concert. Then Monday(yesterday) I called her and she tells me she has a dinner to be at, at 8 so I go over there at 6:30 to hang out. She informs me that the dinner was moved to 7 so I was there for a whopping 30 mins. Kinda irritated but whatever, I got over it. I went and hung out with Brooke. That was fun. I missed that girl. We're two different people but she's a cool ass chick. So then Marisa calls and invites us to the pool hall with her, Nate and his friends. We went. It was boring. Nates friends think I'm an idiot...I'm over it. Didn't talk to her much. So I asked her to come to 80's night with me at incahoots but didn't get a straight answer. I called her about an hr or so ago and she tells me that her and Nate and I dunno who else are going to the beach. Blah. I just get annoyed. I haven't seen her in a week and we haven't got to actually hang out. I guess it's just me being Jealous that Michael isn't here to spend time with. I dunno. Still it just sucks all around. I've decided to move. Not for another year but I think it's time for me to stop listening to everyone else and follow my heart. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much but I do. I'm not letting him go. Plus Nor cal is 8hrs away...that's nothing really. Aghh I love him. Honestly I'm so lucky. I never thought I would find love like this and I did. I didn't even know there was a love like this. He is just want I needed ;) I love him. Muah babe. So no one wants to hang out, I'm gonna rent movies and watch them with my cousin. Let's see what there is to see. Anything good? Very doubtful. I went and saw my grandma the other night. We talked for a long time. I feel comfortable talking to her. She understands me which is a weird thing to find coming from someone of a different era. We have our differences but all in all she has a good heart, just a big mouth. Sound familiar? I'm bored, I gotta go before this one gets deleted. Till next time... Current Mood: content

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July 29th, 2005

10:50 pm - You don't know nothing that you don't need to know I'm tierd!!! I don't know why. I figured since I slept freggin 14+ hours I would be fine, but aparently not. I have so much to do and I don't want to do ANYTHING. I talked to Marisa a while ago, she was supposed to come over and bring me my shoes...It's like I can't pack till I have every piece of clothing. I think it's just an excuse...I'm gonna see where she's at. She didn't answer, figures... I need to find another CD, I think I'm playing this one (jack) out. I feel like I should be out, saying bye to my friends but no one else seems to care so I'm pretty much over it. Funny how things work. I have been a total emotional rollercoaster these past 2-3 days. I'm going to end up giving myself ulsers. Maybe cancun is what I need, maybe not. I don't think I'll get a chance to sit down and write on here tomorrow, So I figured I would do one last journal before my Cancun journey starts. Cancun journey. Lol. I'm an idiot. I'll be glad to see Nicole. She's the only real reason I'm looking forward to this trip. I guess I feel like if I'm not going to see her, I'm not sure I wanna go. I don't know why I'm feeling that way. I guess it's that I know when I'm home I can be by my phone and talk to Michael. I worry about him so much. It's comforting when I hear his voice. Michael and I have so much stuff planned for when he gets back. I can't wait. Lol, we're funny. I guess his grandma wants to talk to me, I love that his family calls me. It's cute. I was going to call him mom before I left for cancun, maybe I should wait till I get back and my emotions are a little more stable. Can you imagine me breaking down and crying on the phone with her? lol. I'd die. It's bad enough I cry with Michael on the phone but he loves me so I don't care. He's cute. He say's every song is our song. I love it. We're the gay couple that no one wants to be around. Haha. I called him pookie one day, He didn't like it...dammit, I thought it was good... I guess a cermony of some sort will be held for the two soldiers who died. Agh, I hate saying that. I feel incredibly bad for Michael and worse for their family. I wish I could write them a letter, or send a card or flowers or something. My heart definatley goes out to their families. This makes me really sad. I feel like I'm running out of things to write about, but I don't want to. If I do I don't think I'll know what to do with my time. I hate being alone. Everyone is in bed, friends are out or whatever, and I'm here. Blah. My dad took me to target today. Ha, I like when he takes me. He lets me get a bunch of shit I probably do not need. My mom saw all the things I got and was mad. Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you're a daddys girl. Lol, I love it. Target is the tightest store ever. I mean, for the most part I don't need any of the crap that they sell...but I still love it. My eyes are extremly heavy...I'm trying to fight it. My mom thinks shes on vacation starting 4pm today snce she doesn't have work for 9 days. She drank a bottle of wine. Lol, it was funny...I love being on vacation. You get away with so much. Alright, I need to pack. Hopefully I'll hear from Michael soon...I need to clean my disaster of a room. Aghhhh...preparations for vacations are not fun. Everytime I get back, I live out of my suit case for a week...or two. I love it. K guys, I'll tell you about my Cancun trip when I get back, for anyone who even reads this I'm sure I'll tell u before u see it on here. Still it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Till we meet again... I've been thinking about Lisa a lot latley. I wish she could be here to go to cancun. She'd have a blast...aghhh. Current Mood: restless Current Music: Jack Johnson, Do you remember

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02:19 pm - Sad day... Let's see. Yesterday...Wow. Yesterday was a sad day. Let's start off with wednesday night. Didnt sleep till 3am. Was up worried that something bad had happened to Michael. Just had the worst feeling ever. Finally I fall asleep...wake up at 7:30, get ready. Had the biggest bags under my eyes. Sick. Got to Marisa's house. Met her uncle and her aunt from Texas. They are so funny. Cute little couple, that's for sure. So Marisa, Chris, Trina, and I all get in the car. On the way Michael calls. I was so excited to see it was him. He doesn't sound good and my stomach drops. He informs me that two of his really good friends died in some kind of explosion and his sgt. isn't doing well. He's okay, but it gets me shook up. So here I am, on the way to Marisa's grandma's funeral and I'm a mess. Get there, try to focus on something better, but I'm at a funeral for christ sake. It was a beautiful funneral. Marisa's family came out from texas. They have a huge, loving family. Before the funeral, Im given the task of "Tissue Fairy" by Donna. Aww, I love Donna. Funeral was sad. Marisa spoke. It was pretty. She held herself together really well. Im proud of her... I leave there when the recpition starts. I thought it should just be the family together, I did what I came there to do. I leave, cry the whole way home. The thought of Michael not being here with me, the funeral. It was sad. I drop Marisa's car off and go to the mall....blah, I hate the mall. I go to get my stupid sidekick fixed and the dumb lady was being a bitch to me. I wanted to slap her...in fact it wouldve probably made me feel better. I wont get my new sidekick till I get back from Cancun and my mom had to pay $110. for it. She wasn't too happy. I go to her work and just cry. I stayed there with her till 5. We met my aunt at fridays for dinner, then go shopping. I got some cute stuff, but I still wasnt in a good mood. So my mom takes me back to her car and I get home. As soon as I get home and see my dad...I cried...again. We talked, which was nice. He always helps me feel better. Still wasnt in a good mood so I went to bed at 7:30. I woke up this morning at 6am. Got online and wrote Michael. In the middle of me being upset I had to realize that he saw it, they were his buddies. It just made me realize how much I really do love him. I've never loved anyone like i do him. He treats me so good. I can see me with him forever.... He calls at 7, I talk for a bit, cry...and let him go. He calls me again at 12. We talked for a while and he made me feel better, I know he'll come home to me. He has to. Im still a little shaken up by the whole ordeal...but talking to him makes me feel like everythings okay. Im such a sap. I leave for Cancun sunday. Im excited. Im gonna miss talking to Michael though. He wants me to go and have a good time. Im talking to him now. Wow, I love him... Current Mood: loved

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July 28th, 2005

12:50 am - Blahhh Wow. I havent written in this thing in FOREVER. It's cause I never get on my computer anymore. Let's see, let's see. Nothing exciting has really happened. Same o'l same o'l. Yesterday I got some beautiful flowers from Michael. White roses, and carnations, and someother really pretty flower but I can't figure out what it is. I love it. I haver the best boyfriend ever. So...Tomorrow is Marisa's Grandma's funeral. Aghhh, Dying is such a bitch. It just makes you realize that nothing in this life is forever, and that is scary. Tonight I'm in a "feel sorry for myself" mood. Aghhh I hate those days. Let's start off with me not hearing from Michael, which always scares the shit out of me. Then I watch stupid CNN and they talk about wounded and killed soldiers in Iraq, Blah. My stomach gets natious. I keep both my phone and my sidekick charged just in case he calls or gets online. I go over to Luis house and hang out with him and Cassy for a while. Boring. Then someone plays with my sidekick and leaves it on top of my purse. (like it's that hard to put something back where it belongs.) Then I got to grab my purse and, BAM, sidekick is broken. That means if Michael gets online I can't talk to him cause my screen is broken. Lovley, huh? THEN no one even cares, except Luis. That just tops off my bad day. I cry, Luis was being nice to me, hes going to Iraq in November so if anyone knows how hard it is, I guess it's him, then...I leave. Then I got to Marisa's house and cry some more. I go home and Robert calls me. Informs me that Danielle is a few months pregnate and he wasn't supposed to tell me. Makes me even more sad cause my 'best friend' of 6 years goes off falls in love, forgets about everyone, we get into a fight, I decide to not be in her wedding, she goes to North Carolina with her husband...never to hear from her again. That sucks. I guess it just kind of hurts more then anything. Cancun is coming up and at this point I'm not too excited. I am so in love its rediculous. I hate being in love and not having him here with me to do little things like, come with me to the grocery store, or watch movies, or all that shit. Blahhhh. I'm going to the funeral tomorrow...I have to wake up @7:30 then afterwards see if I can get my sidekick fixed. Not looking forward to it. I need some sleep... Current Mood: sad

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